Right. So. Umm. What’s been happening?
Bugger-all, actually. Here’s an update on the Cheery Blossom Crisis: Today’s score was a good fifteen. Not entirely all of them being blossom pics, I’ll admit, but all being in the category of ‘Japan is a perfect world, do come here and be a tourist, spend your money here. Go on! GO ON!!’.
Scrolling down, one blossom-pic after another. I felt a terrible despair overwhelm me. Just a week or so ago, I loved everything about Japan, but now I was hating it.
No – I was hating Google Plus! This is my latest post:
Holy Fuckin’ Cherry Tree, G+, but I’ve had a total guts-full of ‘What’s Hot’ and Travel-in-Japan-it’s-always-Springtime promo pix. [ & Huzzah! I’ve just discovered more controls. Killed them both. Mwah-hah-hah-hah!! ]
<Goes back to his news feed, waits for something actually interesting to happen>
< sound of crickets>
Yup, my frustrations are starting to show. Surely they’ve got some sort of Customer Satisfaction Service Representative Emulators watching out for this sort of thing? Surely there would be a swooping noise and little invisible e-Robots would be swarming around me, massaging me back to mellowness. Giving me my heart’s desire (and instantly monetizing it).
Maybe I need to give them a bit more to work on. Maybe I’m being too passive. How do I ask The G+ Gods for more of, say: Steampunked Anime-style Muppet characters, for example? Or .. um … Organic Hand-knitted Meusli? Is there some way I can deliberately fuck with their robots? Hmmmm <gets evil glint in eye>
In other news, I don’t believe anyone has even noticed my absence from That Other Social Media Site, although I did get one good surprise: Colin Morris (Steampunk Acquaintance, Brisbane) popped up unexpectedly and responded to one of my posts (the one where I announced that I’d damn-near choked to death on a chicken bone – which was only a *slight* exaggeration). Thanks, Colin!
As to anyone actually following me over to The Other Side, well it hasn’t happened yet. Why is that? Have the Facebook Customer Disatisfaction Service Representative Emulators spotted my treachery and blacklisted me? Or is it the simple fact that if you’re not there in the news feed well actually no-one gives a damn because the entire FB juggernaut just keeps rampaging through the flattened countryside once called ‘Our Culture’, turning everything into memes and farting them back into our faces?
I fear this is true. It is winning. Google Plus is not.